


In the Land of Gods and Monsters

by TheCutestZombie



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Body Horror, Crossover, First story, Horror, M/M, Multi, Psychological Horror, author has no idea whats shes doing, bullshit medical stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 20:03:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCutestZombie/pseuds/TheCutestZombie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee Makara has lead a slightly less than average life, living with his less than average best friends, attending a more than average high school. He’s addicted to drugs, has nightmares every night, and is in hopelessly in love with someone who will never love him back, but other than that life has been painfully monotonous.</p>
<p>That is, until he realizes his whole life has been a lie, and that his nightmares are more than just dreams, and that if he doesn’t get his shit together, the only person he was ever in love with will die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic here on A03, I'm pretty nervous about it. You can also find me on tumblr at poppinghearts/the cutest zombie!

Sobbing. Sharp, heaving breaths wracked two small frames in the center of the room. _Is this the center of the room? Where am I? What am I doing...?_ Her cries were much louder, much more woeful- blue eyes focused on brown, and her arms shook. Behind her stood larger, adult forms of grey and black, judging her, judging him, condemning them. Behind _them_ faces he _thought_ he recognized were contorted in muted pain and terror- their small hands reached out, but whenever they screamed, they were silenced with strikes and blows to their small bodies.

_Why am I holding this?_ He looked down at his hands- which were shaking, for reasons he couldn’t place. Clubs splattered with mostly shades of blue were in his grip. He stood beside the thin girl, who was on her knees, hands clutching the sides of her horned head as cerulean tears ran down her face.

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. Please, forgive me, please, I’m sorry...”_ A name dripped from her lips between her apologies- but he couldn’t quite catch what the name was. A small child was chained to a bed in the middle of the room, with a dead white beast at his side. He cried, blood coating his lower half. His clubs also looked suspiciously brown for a moment and he squinted his eyes- it was just an illusion though- there was nothing but blue running down his weapons.

A huge clawed hand reached out towards the young girl, gripping her shoulder, and with a quick twist a loud snap echoed off the walls, accompanied by her wail of pain. _“Get on with it, whelp. DO IT. We don’t have all motherfucking day.”_ The deep voice sent chills down his spine and his grip on his clubs tightened instinctually- for some reason, he gritted his teeth, and he desired to bash her head in. _Why? Why? Why? Why?_ The boy chained in the middle of the room whimpered in distress as the girl’s arm fell limp, hanging off of her body uselessly. “ _Get the **MOTHERFUCK** on with it! **CULL THE MOTHERFUCKER**._ ”

“ _I can’t, I can’t, I can’t- please-_ “ The hand struck her hard across the face, silencing her, and she flew across the room and hit the floor with a fleshy thump. Blue decorated the floor.

“ _Useless motherfucker. YOU TOO, BOY._ ” The clawed hand pointed his direction. “ _IT’S YOUR MOTHERFUCKING TURN. Cull him._ ”

His mouth ran dry, and he stepped forwards shakily- the boy looked up at him, tears and blood coating his face and his legs- his legs were twisted in odd angles, and he was mostly bare- markings and writing had been carved into his skin. He found himself staring, staring at his small, broken body, and at his huge, pleading eyes. His name left the boy’s lips, over and over, and as much as he wanted to kill the girl, he knew he would never be able to kill this boy.

“ _Cull him, boy. **OR YOU’RE MOTHERFUCKING NEXT**.” _ His own tears had begun making watery trails down his face, seemingly of their own accord. He glanced at the adults, and their silent damnation, and at the huge, hulking form that had silenced the other girl. He knew, deep down, he had to do it- he would wind up dead otherwise. His eyes fell onto the boy again.

_“I’m real motherfucking sorry, brother._ ” He muttered, raising his arms.

The chains shook, the boy writhing and protesting as much as his bonds and wounds would allow. _“Please, please, Gamzee, help-“_

Before the small boy could say anything else, Gamzee shut him up with a club to his skull. A sickening crack was the only response he ever got from the boy.

\---------

Sweat rolled off of his body and he awoke with a gasp, shooting upright into a sitting position. He panted, shaking, shivering- he was _freezing._ He glanced around his bedroom, eyes wide with terror- and he found he was alone, of course. He groaned, laying back down on his worn-out mattress.

He swung his long legs over the side of his bed, hands and legs clumsy in the dark- and he switched his lamp on, filling the room with light. He muttered a few panicked curses as he dug through his clothes on his desk, now standing- and he pulled out a small package, pulling out a rolled cigarette. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep- not _now,_ anyways, not after adrenaline had filled his veins. He needed to calm down. He stumbled out of his room groggily, pulling on a sweater over his bare chest, yanking his pajama pants over his bony hips, ambling towards the front door. He shoved his feet into some shoes, and walked out his apartment door, and staggered towards the apartment front door, making sure he had his keys in his pocket as he did.

He lit his cigarette, glancing around the street, making sure he was alone- it was four in the morning, and he was fairly certain he wouldn’t be jumped or arrested for possession of drugs this early. He sighed, leaning against the building, feeling the drug fill his system, and he allowed himself to start to relax. A hand clamped down over his shoulder, making him jump.

“Oh my God. Calm the fuck down, you clown.” The familiarity of the voice made him sigh, running a hand through his hair in relief and he looked towards the source of the voice. His best friend and roommate stood there, wrapped up in baggy clothes, and more irritable than usual for some reason.

He managed a weak grin. “Hey, best friend. What the fuck are you doing awake at this miraculous hour?”

His friend’s frown deepened, and he reached out to smack him lightly in the shoulder, settling beside him against the wall. “You should be smoking that inside, dumbass. And that’s your fucking fault. You’re noisy as shit.”

He licked his lips and deflated- his friend seemed to notice this, and his expression softened. “I’m real motherfucking sorry, bro.”

Another light tap to his shoulder. “Whatever. Did you have another nightmare?” He nodded, his weed forgotten in his hand. “What happened?” Karkat’s voice had dropped, almost to a whisper- and he had decided long ago he liked it best when Karkat spoke lowly and softly like this.

“Same dream as always, man.” Karkat stared at him, brows knitted into concentration and irritation, but he knew he wasn’t angry. “...Except I _killed_ him this time, bro.”

“ _Shit._ ” Karkat shifted, so that his hands found his way to his face, clearing some stray hair from his face, brushing them from his eyes gently, and the pads of his fingers carefully patted his cheeks. “Finish your cigarette, Gamzee.” Karkat encouraged quietly, his voice soothing.

Gamzee nodded, lifting the drug to his lips after fumbling with it for a moment, taking a long drag.

“I’m real motherfuckin’ sorry, Karkat.” He repeated, his voice cracking.

Karkat shushed him, his touch getting softer. “Don’t be. It’s not your fucking fault.”

Gamzee hoped that he would be able to sleep after he finished his weed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I forgot to mention, the title of the story was inspired by Lana Del Rey's "Gods and Monsters" song.

Gamzee hadn’t managed much sleep; he had dreamt of vivid colors, blue and brown and green, all washed up over grey skin and horns, accompanied by an overwhelming sense of guilt and failure. He threw up, and afterwards got up to start his day; usually he was awake last and was useless in the mornings, but he was determined to try and be at least a _little_ helpful, since he couldn’t sleep.

Gamzee had a pan full of scrambled eggs and a toaster stuffed with some bread when the squeaking of wheels caught his attention, and he smiled. The clown craned his neck to see Tavros doing something pretty similar. The other teenager was already dressed, wearing a peter pan t-shirt covered by a sweater- Gamzee’s grin widened when he recognized that sweater as the one he had given to him at Christmas. “Aww, shit bro, you caught me.”

Tavros smiled meekly, pushing himself into their kitchen, looking at the breakfast Gamzee was apparently making. His surprise and pleasure was evident. “Wow, good morning, what’s all this about?”

Gamzee tapped his friend’s nose, and loaded a plate full of cheesy, eggy goodness and put the plate on the table, and got some utensils and a plate for the handicap. “Eggs, Tav. And motherfuckin cheese. Unless you don’t like cheese being all up on your eggs?”

The other boy grinned, shaking his head at Gamzee, accepting the plate and he started to pile the cheesy eggs onto some toast for himself, thanking Gamzee for the breakfast. “Oh, no, I’m quite fond of, uh, this cheese business, actually.” Then Tavros took a bite and he sighed, and Gamzee felt pride swell in his chest and took a bite of his own breakfast. “But, what I meant was...why are you up this early? You’re, um, kind of impossible to wake up in the mornings...”

There was a crash from the hallway and a shrill curse, and both the teenagers at the table cringed. “Hold that thought, motherfucker.” Tavros made a face in the direction of the noise and nodded, popping more breakfast-y food into his mouth. Gamzee heaved himself from the table and wandered towards Karkat’s room- he found his best friend in a tangle of blankets and pajama pants, apparently attempting to pick himself up off of the floor. Gamzee chuckled and extended a hand for the boy on the floor, who slapped his hand away.

“Fuck you. Why the fuck did you leave a fuckton of clothes right in front of the fucking bathroom?” A look crossed Karkat’s face, and he scowled. “Unless that was you, you damn cripple, I’ll fucking kill you!”

Karkat wasn’t a morning person, either.

Gamzee hadn’t left the said offending clothes where they were- he glanced at them, and he knew Tavros had. Not wanting his bro to get into trouble, Gamzee swept both his cursing friend and the clothes into his arms, tossing the bundle of material into his room before dragging Karkat into the kitchen. “Sorry, best friend. I was rearranging shit since I couldn’t get my fuckin zee’s on.”

Tavros had opened his mouth to argue with Gamzee about his mess, but he wrinkled his nose and shut his mouth, before opening it again. Karkat kicked Gamzee in the shin, and Gamzee dropped him, and Karkat  fell into a chair, in a heap of blankets and oversized sleeping clothes. “Gamzee? You, uh, didn’t sleep last night?”

_Well, shit._

Said clown laughed nervously, tucking a hand into his nest of hair, twisting the strands nervously. “I, yeah, man. I thought I’d make some motherfuckers some breakfast instead.”

Karkat clicked his tongue, shooting Gamzee a look, saying, _Tavros isn’t stupid, moron,_ and he stole Gamzee’s practically untouched plate and dove into it. Gamzee pursed his lips, rocking on his feet nervously, as Tavros eyed him sceptically.

“...Why didn’t you just, say so?” Gamzee had made himself look busy by pulling out another plate full of food for himself, plopping himself down between Tavros and Karkat at the table. Gamzee shoved food into his mouth, refusing to look the handicap in the eye. Karkat rolled his eyes at his roommates, cramming the last of his breakfast into his mouth.

Karkat stole a bite from Gamzee’s plate, with Gamzee voicing his disapproval. “Alright, I’m leaving, I’m not hanging around for your fucking lover’s quarrel.” Just as quickly as he had eaten Gamzee’s food, Karkat was gone, suddenly dressed, and out the door. Silence settled between the two remaining teenagers at the table.

“...Never understood why that motherfucker always leaves so fuckin’ early every day.” Gamzee said, hoping to change the topic. Tavros cocked his head in his direction, still looking sceptical.

“So, how come you couldn’t, uh, sleep? That’s pretty unlike you...” Tavros had finished his breakfast, Gamzee noted- so he started to load his plate with another helping of food. Tavros made a frustrated noise. “What’s wrong, Gamzee?”

“...I just...shit, man, I feel crazy talking about that nonsense. It’s nothing.” Gamzee helped himself to some more of those eggs; that shit was _good,_ if he said so himself.

The handicap sighed, sinking into his wheelchair, fork handing out of his mouth. “...You told Karkat, right? I wish...you’d, um, tell me...”

Gamzee opened his mouth, feeling fear and panic bubble in his chest- making Tavros feel bad was at the _bottom_ of _any_ list he could possibly compile. He groaned, filling his mouth with toast, and he took a drink of coffee. “Nah man, it’s not like that! I just, don’t want a motherfucker to think I’m crazy...”

“But you _are_ crazy.” Gamzee looked at Tavros so fast, his eyebrows disappearing into his mass of hair. The other boy was grinning at him, and Gamzee couldn’t help but grin back. “The, uh, good kind of crazy, I mean. The kind of crazy I like. Wait, I mean, uh, well, you know what I mean, just, wow, okay, I’m um, done talking...” A streak of color burned Tavros’s cheeks, and he waved Gamzee off, quickly shoving food into his mouth. A shit-eating smirk cracked across Gamzee’s not-yet painted face.

“Oh, _really_. And what kind of crazy does a motherfucker up and dig?” He nudged Tavros, who made a face at him, heat rising visibly on his face and he threw a piece of egg at the clown.

“Shut up!”

“Haha, okay, I’m just fuckin’ with you, bro. How about I lay this wacked-out story on you later, yeah? How about after school?” Gamzee was already out of his chair, picking up his, Karkat’s and Tavros’ plates, piling them into the sink. A sigh left Tavros, but he nodded.

“Sure. We have to go soon, should I wait for you?”

“That would be all kinds of awesome, Tav.” Gamzee walked off into his room, throwing on some clothes without much thought, and he disappeared into their bathroom to put his face on. Soon he was helping Tavros make sure he had everything for school and they locked the door, and they were gone.


	3. Chapter 3

School wasn’t bad.

He never did his homework, never studied, never volunteered himself for any groups, never tried harder than he had to, or even tried at _all,_ really. But he figured, just because he wasn’t good at school, it didn’t mean that he wasn’t good at other things that could be just as important.

He told Tavros this often, whenever the other boy failed a test or blew an assignment. Usually the handicap would end up smiling and quietly thanking Gamzee.

“...and the motherfucker just looked so _offended!_ It was a goddamn riot, man.”

Tavros chuckled, letting himself be pushed away from the school, with Gamzee in tow, steering his friend towards their apartment complex. They lived on the bottom floor, so that Tavros wouldn’t have many issues getting to and from places. They lived fairly close to the school, so it was fairly convenient- well, as convenient as not having working limbs could be, at least.

“Well, Karkat usually looks, um, offended, so, that doesn’t surprise me, really.” The paraplegic commented, with Gamzee still laughing lowly. “Is uh, Pop going to, um, visit today?”

The smile left Gamzee’s face immediately, and a knot tied itself into the pit of his stomach. Tavros had never said it, but Gamzee _knew_. Gamzee knew, Karkat knew, hell, even _she_ knew, and he hated it. The clown’s grip on the wheelchair handles tightened, and he was glad that Tavros couldn’t see his expression. “Nah, bro. Motherfucker up and said he had other things to do today. At least’s what Karkat said.”

The other boy’s shoulders sagged, and Tavros nodded. “...Oh, I see. Well, I uh, hope he makes it next week?”

Gamzee pursed his lips, but the words had left his thinkpan before he had even really finished processing what he was about to say. “You know, if you like that motherfucker so much, why don’t you ask her out or some shit?”

Tavros had whipped around to face Gamzee so fast, his face a little pale and his eyes and mouth wide. _Shit. It hurt to say that._ The other boy’s face fell a little and he started to play with his fingers. “...How long have you, uhm, known...?”

Gamzee couldn’t resist the urge and ruffled Tavros’ mohawk, fingers gliding over twin bumps on either side of his temple. “You don’t hide shit very well, you know that bro? I know you’ve been crushin’ on that chica for ‘bout three years, at least.”

The other boy flinched, his face crumpling in thought a little. Tavros’ brown eyes look up at Gamzee, as though he was afraid of Gamzee getting angry or upset with him for some reason. “...Damn, really? I thought, I was um, being really, discreet about it...” They approached their apartment building, and Tavros fished his keys out and unlocked the front door. The street was eerily quiet- after school, there were usually a lot of people their age walking around; Gamzee _knew_ that other people in their school lived in nearby apartments. The male shook his head, chalking it up to his imagination, and he blamed it on the slightly unpleasant conversation he was having, focusing back on his friend.

With some struggling, Tavros was sitting in his chair on the basement level’s floor, watching as Gamzee hauled his backpack over his shoulder. They were used to this- Tavros would try and fight Gamzee for at least helping himself a _little,_ and Gamzee would laugh and brush him off, carrying either the handicapped boy or his things around for him. Tavros made a face, and yanked his backpack from Gamzee’s hand when he got close enough. “Sorry, bro, but you’re not very motherfuckin’ secretive.” Gamzee started pushing Tavros down the hall, towards their block. “I sure wish you told _me_.”

Tavros tensed, fingers digging into the armrests of his chair. He had his keys out again, pushing Gamzee’s hands away as he tried to unlock the door himself. “...Sorry...”

 _She_ had a name. Her name was Jade Harley- and Gamzee was a lot more jealous of her than he thought was normal. Jade was bright and witty and friendly, and she was pretty. Jade was good at shooting guns and wore some funny clothes sometimes, and whenever Pop came over to check on the boys, Jade would often come with him. Jade went to their high school, too- but she was in a different crowd, and Tavros had never worked the courage up to talk to her outside the safety of his own home. Jade and Tavros got along famously- but as well as they s _eemed_ to get along, Gamzee always felt a little sick; if Jade liked Tavros so much, why didn’t she talk to him in school?

“Don’t be gettin’ your sorry on, man. Jade’s a real sweet lady.” Gamzee bit his tongue saying that- he was _jealous,_ so jealous, so upset, so envious, so _angry_. As well as he thought _he and Tavros_ got along, Tavros had never once taken the time to at least _tell_ him about his feelings for the girl.

And that hurt a lot more than Gamzee would ever admit.

They settled into a casual, after school ritual- this usually consisted of Tavros diving into his homework, and Gamzee would break out another cigarette. Karkat would come around sooner or later- he’d taken to hanging around some kid named John or Jake or something. This made Gamzee smile, as he breathed in the sweet smell of the weed- Gamzee could spot when his best friend was crushing on someone a mile away- kind of like how Karkat had done the same for him.

About an hour they had come back from school, Tavros wheeled into Gamzee’s room after timidly knocking on his door. Gamzee mumbled something, and Tavros let himself in, the corners of his mouth twitching downwards as the smell of the drug hit him in the face. The handicap let himself into the room, positioning himself beside Gamzee, who was laying on his bed in a stupor.

“Yo, bro?” Gamzee waved to his friend, a smile cracking his facepaint a little. Tavros fidgeted, looking Gamzee over, face set into a rather upset-looking expression.

“So, uhm, did you want to tell me now?”

The corners of Gamzee’s mouth twitched down, thinking back to the dream he had that morning. He sat up, crushing the butt of the joint he had been smoking into a nearby ashtray- Gamzee noted the way the other boy grimaced in what was most likely distaste, and he covered up his nervousness with a smile. “...Yeah, I think I can motherfuckin manage that.”

Gamzee’s room was a complete mess, for the most part- Tavros had run over a few horns on his way into the room, and knocked aside some empty pop bottles and there were clothes everywhere. Karkat came in and cleaned up after him sometimes- and sometimes Gamzee would clean up after himself. The male had posters of clowns and some painting he had up- the paintings he did tended to be a little strange. The latest painting Gamzee had made was laden with blue and green, and depicted a graveyard; Karkat openly complained about his art sometimes. Tavros cleared his throat, seeing that Gamzee had drifted off into his own thoughts, shifting in his chair. “Gamzee?”

This brought said boy back from his thoughts- thoughts that consisted of dead white bulls and clubs and claws. Gamzee’s grin widened. “...Sorry, bro. It’s real motherfuckin difficult for me to talk about.”

“Well, what happened? Why didn’t you sleep? It’s not like you.”

 _So motherfucking observant_. With a sigh, Gamzee settled back into his bed pillows, looking the other boy over. “...I had a motherfucking nightmare.”

Tavros’ expression faltered. “...But, don’t you have...nightmares all the time? Or something?”

They were both more than aware of the bottle of pills that sat in the bathroom cabinet- Gamzee had been using them for a long time. Gamzee sighed. “Yeah bro, but this one was...worse. A lot motherfuckin worse than usual.”

Gamzee offered a bottle of pop to Tavros, who declined- the bottle seemed to have come out of nowhere. “How so? That’s kind of vague...”

Gamzee frowned and rolled over, facing his bedroom wall; he had painted a face there, earning him a scolding from both Karkat and Popop. There was a scrawl that looked like a church cross underneath it- he didn’t remember painting that, and his frown deepened. “...You won’t judge a motherfucker, right bro?”

Wheelchair tires squeaked and Gamzee knew Tavros had grabbed his tires- he tended to do that when he was especially nervous. “What? Of course, Gamzee, I wouldn’t judge you for anything...”

His chest tightened and fluttered, and Gamzee was glad he wasn’t facing Tavros, so he simply nodded in response. “Okay, well, my dreams are usually real motherfuckin repetitive. They always take place in a church or a carnival or real nasty looking rooms. Well, in my dream, I was in this dark room with a lot of other people.” Dark eyebrows knitted together as Gamzee recalled his dream. “It’s...weird. Real fuckin’ trippy- I felt like I knew everyone in my dream who was there- but I couldn’t see their faces and shit. There was a shit ton of little kids and adults...and there was this little boy and little girl standing with me in this room. I was just a fuckin’ kid in my dream, too.”

A pause. Gamzee took a breath, feeling sweat gather on his brow as he relived his dream a little- he’d only ever told Karkat the real details of his nightmares. “Go on...”

Tavros’ voice was soothing. “...And, the little boy was chained to a bed, and he had this dead animal layin’ next to him. He was covered in blood, and his legs were all fucked up- and this girl was apologizing to him. I think all the adults were tryin’ to convince the little sis to up and kill the little boy, and she couldn’t do it. So they hurt her real motherfuckin’ bad.” Gamzee chewed on his lip, wondering how much to reveal to the other boy. “...an’ so, the adults ordered me to kill the little boy in her place.”

Silence filled the room, thick and heavy with anticipation and anxiety- the urge to throw up put pressure on Gamzee’s stomach. “And so I did. I think I bashed the little motherfuckers’ head in with a fuckin’ club. He was begging me not to up and kill him, but I did. And I woke up.”

The quiet weighed heavily on Gamzee- he was afraid to turn back to the other in the room. His eyes fell to the cross on his wall, wondering what the fuck it was, and how it got there. It resembled the things he dreamt about too much, and it was unsettling. Gamzee’s stomach twisted. “Is that it?”

Gamzee nodded, slowly. “...Yeah, bro. I usually dream of that, but I never...fuckin’ killed that little bro before.”

A sigh left Tavros, and Gamzee practically jumped when a hand was placed on his shoulder, and he tore his gaze away from the picture, looking back to Tavros. The handicap was smiling at Gamzee encouragingly, and he gave his shoulder a squeeze. “...And you just couldn’t get back to sleep after that?” Another nod. “Geez, I’m sorry, Gamzee. I shouldn’t have given you such a rough time this morning about it.”

“Nah bro, it’s fine. It’s just not real fuckin’ fun to talk about, you know?”

“Oh, I imagine so. Sorry for uh, making you talk about it?”

 Gamzee smiled genuinely at the other boy in the room, leaning back against his bed with a small sigh. _Tav is so fuckin’ perfect._ “It’s cool, Tav. I don’t mind up and telling a motherfucker- well, as least if you’re that motherfucker, you know?”

A warm shade dusted Tavros’ face, and his hands flew to his wheels, his brown eyes falling to the floor. “Uh, yeah, I think I, uhm, do know...” Gamzee guessed he must have crossed a line, because Tavros’ line of sight followed the door, and his wheels tilted that direction. “W-well, I’m not, um, done my homework, so I’m going to go, uh, finish it, if that’s cool...”

Gamzee’s smile only widened, because Tavros was adorable when he got all flustered the way he did. “Yeah man, go finish your work and shit.” With that Tavros was out the door, accompanied by a few honking of horns from the mess on Gamzee’s floor, and Gamzee rolled over, looking at the picture on his wall again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this isn't just human!stuck and highschool!stuck please just bear with me and my terrible writing here please

He hadn’t mentioned it, and he felt rather bad about it- that, and the Jade thing. Tavros had been having nightmares, rather similar to what Gamzee had mentioned. They weren’t exactly the same, but he dreamt of tall, dark figures with towering horns and glowing eyes, and of dead white animals. Once or twice he had awoken in a cold sweat, gasping for air, eyes darting around the room as though he felt like he was being watched.

The handicapped boy rolled over in bed, holding a plush of a bear close to his chest. Karkat had chided him for playing games for girls, but Gamzee assured him the bear was fine. Other toys littered his floor, and he was a little like Gamzee in that respect- he was a little messy, but he did his best to clean up after himself. Gamzee was actually a little more eager to help him clean his room than clean his own- and he smiled thinking about how kind Gamzee was towards him.

Tavros yawned, stretching a little and tugging the blankets closer around him; he was disappointed about not seeing Popop and Jade, but it wasn’t the first time they cancelled.

Popop was an amazing guardian- he was wealthy (although that wasn’t what Tavros was concerned about, he hated taking the elderly man’s money), he was skilled, he was generous and protective and wise. Tavros actually remembered nothing about his past; the first thing he remembered was waking up in a hospital bed, with his legs casted and being told he couldn’t walk. He didn’t remember his parents, where he had come from, where he had been born; _nothing._ It was a little lonely and troubling sometimes, but Tavros had friends and a caring guardian, and he really figured he couldn’t ask for more.

Popop had adopted him, along with Gamzee and Karkat- Gamzee had come from an abusive home and had moved around from foster home to foster home, until Popop had adopted him for good. Karkat had lost his parents in an accident, leaving him with some weird medical conditions with his blood, and he had blanks in his memory, too. Gamzee also had mentioned a few times his memories were surreal and fuzzy. It was all very strange, but Tavros tried not to think about it too much; thinking about his past made his head hurt and nightmares worsen, and it made him want to panic for reasons he couldn’t explain.

Some things were better left unknown, he decided.

Tavros clung to the bear tighter, hoping that he hadn’t encouraged any bad dreams by dwelling on his past, and fell into a fitful slumber.

\-----------

Gamzee stood up from their couch, turning off the television. He had a bad habit of staying up late, whether it was from smoking up, or playing games or surfing- he liked staying up late. It made him tired for school the next day, but he didn’t really give a fuck- school just wasn’t his thing, he figured. Television that night had been strange; nothing but horror movies seemed to be playing, and su much as Gamzee liked them, they were spooky. They focused on killer clowns and mimes and nightmares and graveyards and lurking shadows, and it was just too close to home for the teen. Not that he really had any of things going in _reality_ , of course, but his dreams were a different story.

Gamzee made his way back to his room, passing by Karkat’s and Tavros’ room as he did. When he opened his bedroom door, he paused- he had sworn he heard something. Gamzee stood outside his room for a moment, frowning, looking down the hall, listening hard; it was dark and quiet, and Karkat and Tavros had gone to bed hours ago.

The noise came again, and Gamzee realised it was a voice- he stepped down the hall, and he heard it again- it was coming from Tavros’ room. Gamzee licked his lips nervously, pressing his cheek to the door, listening carefully; he thought he heard a _nother_ voice that _wasn’t_ Tavros’. Before Gamzee had a chance to verify this, he heard Tavros’ cry out in distress and pain, along with a loud thump and the squeak of wheelchair tires.

Gamzee  flung the door open, and his heart stopped when he was Tavros on the floor, crumpled in a heap, shaking. Tavros wasn’t just s _haking_ , though- he was lying in an odd position on the ground, grunting and twitching, and Gamzee understood that Tavros was having some kind of attack, and he ran into the room, calling out Tavros’ name.

“Oh shit oh shit oh shit, Tav! Tav, Tav, Tavros, can you hear me?!” Gamzee shoved his wheelchair out of the way, pulling the trembling boy into his lap, trying to straighten his limbs. “Motherfucker- _Karkat!_ Karkat, help!”

A terrifying moment later Karkat emerged from his room and rushed into Tavros’ room, flicking on the light- his jaw dropped. “What the _fuck,_ Gamzee?!”

“Call a motherfuckin ambulance! Call Popop! _Do something, Karkat_!” This seemed to make some kind of sense to the other male, as Karkat took off in the direction of the kitchen, knocking stuff over as he did. Gamzee turned back to the boy in his arms, making sure he was breathing and he wasn’t hurting himself, hugging him close to his chest.

_What the fuck happened?_

\-------

About an hour later Gamzee, Karkat and Popop were in a hospital emergency room with Tavros lying on the bed. Tavros was conscious now, looking tired and shaken, but alright otherwise.

“...So, Mr.Nitram...we believe that your nervous system is lot more damaged than we initially believed. The nerves in your legs have affected the rest of your body, and I’m guessing you must’ve hit your head in your sleep- causing a seizure.”

Gamzee made a face at the doctor, who was flipping over some notes. He was seated next to Tavros in a chair, and the handicapped boy’s fingers grazed his, and he gave his hand a squeeze. “Is that even motherfuckin’ possible?”

The doctor turned to Gamzee, giving him a look. “You say you found him on the floor having an attack, yes?” Gamzee nodded, tightening his grip on the hand he was holding. “Well, I suppose he might’ve simply rolled out of bed, maybe hit his head on his wheelchair, perhaps on the floor. Trauma to the head can trigger such attacks- especially with conditions that he has. His body is already quite sensitive; any further blows to his head or other areas could cause him to go into another seizure.”

Popop shifted nervously, folding his hands behind his back, casting a concerned look Tavros’ direction. “Is there anything I can do, doctor? I don’t live with the boys, but please, if there’s anything...”

The doctor sighed, looking his notes over again. “Unfortunately, there’s not much we can do. His condition is rather uncommon; with such extensive damage to his legs...it’ll be difficult to pinpoint what we can do, exactly. But, I suggest monitoring him- he should have someone with him in the house at all times, and perhaps his teachers should be made aware. Having someone who knows how to handle his attacks is the best thing for him.”

“I can motherfuckin’ do that.” Tavros turned to Gamzee, giving him a small, weary smile, thumb brushing over his fingers.

The doctor turned back to Popop, after glancing at their entwined hands. “Are these three boys the only tenants in the place, sir?” Gamzee didn’t appreciate the way the doctor seemed to doubt his ability to take care of Tavros. Gamzee, Karkat and Tavros had been taking care of each other for _years_ ; anything else that was thrown at them, he was positive they would be able to handle it. Both Karkat, Tavros and Gamzee threw pleading looks at their elderly guardian.

Popop smiled a little. “Yes, doctor, but they’re quite mature. I’m sure we’ll be fine. Gamzee and Karkat are quite capable of taking care of you, isn’t that correct, Tavros?”

The squeeze Tavros returned to Gamzee’s hand was more than enough consolation for Gamzee.

\--------

“Motherfuckin’ quack. I don’t think he knew what the fuck he was talking about.”

“Really, Gamzee, I’m fine, you don’t have to do this...”

“Fucking hell, I’m _not_ about to watch you two homos climb into bed together. Have a nice life, Tavros.”

Karkat turned back into his room, closing his door with more force than was possibly necessary, causing is best friend to snicker. Currently, Gamzee and Tavros were piled up in Tavros’ bed, and Gamzee had amassed all the blankets and pillows from his bed and buried the other boy in them, wrapping him up, making him look like some kind of burrito.

“...If I could kick you, I think, I probably would.” Tavros noted, trying to unwrap himself from the shell Gamzee had rolled him into. The other boy laughed again, standing up to turn the lights off, and he came back into the bed, pulling the blankets from their vice grip around Tavros.

“Alright motherfucker, just chill.” Gamzee had taken the visit to the hospital to heart, and he decided that he wasn’t going to leave Tavros alone if he could help it. Thusly, Gamzee had invited himself into Tavros’ bed, with much fussing from the other boy.

“ _Really_ , I’m fine. You don’t have to, um, sleep here. I think with how tightly you rolled me up, I don’t think I could fall out of bed even if I wanted to.”

Gamzee ignored him, pulling the sheets over him, curling up at Tavros’ side, ignoring him and plucking the bear he had in his hands. “What was this fucker’s name again, bro? I forgot.”

A loud sigh left Tavros, but he gave Gamzee a defeated smile. “...Rufioh.”

“That was that motherfucker from that movie...Hook, right? Or some shit like that, yeah?” Tavros nodded, wiggling so he could get comfortable in the bed, adjusting to the warmth that was Gamzee, and his sudden lack of bed space. “He doesn’t look very...fearsome to me, man.”

A hand shoved Gamzee’s face away, with Tavros giggling and yanking Rufioh away from his bony fingers. “Shut up and go to sleep, Gamzee.”

“Ooh, givin’ me some orders, huh? I like it when a fucker is so _demanding_ like that.” Gamzee waggled his eyebrows at Tavros, who shoved the bi-colored bear into his face, laughing.

“Oh yeah, and, you sure like being ordered around, right? I know you love being, uh, dominated.”

“Take me now, Mr.Nitram.” Gamzee feigned a swoon, closing his eyes and throwing a hand over his forehead. Tavros chuckled and shook his head, using his hands to heft Gamzee further away from him, towards the edge of the bed. Gamzee yelped, lanky limbs flailing as he almost fell to the floor, pulling on blankets to keep him from toppling over the edge.

“Shit man, I know you don’t want me up in your motherfuckin’ bed, but you don’t have to _throw_ me out.” Gamzee slid back into his original position, and Tavros grinned at him.

“It’s not my fault you’re so persistent. I think, I might have to, um, try shove you out when you’re asleep, maybe.”

“Aww bro, that’s real fuckin’ cold.”

Tavros’ smile was apparent even through the dark, and he curled into Gamzee a little more, his temple resting on his shoulder. “Goodnight, Gamzee.”

“Night, Tav.”

Silence settled over the pair; Gamzee stared into the darkness of Tavros’ room, looking over his walls, his floor, and the mess that was Tavros Nitram. It was unfamiliar and alien- but somehow, everything in his room felt softer and looked warmer, making the taller teen shift closer to the other one without even recognizing he did so.

Hours seemed to pass- Gamzee continued to lie there, thinking of how lucky he was to be living with his best friends, how lucky he was that Tavros didn’t mind him in his bed. His cheeks pricked with warmth when he thought about it, but movement against his leg shook him from his thoughts.

“...Gamzee, are you still awake?”

Gamzee pondered whether the smaller boy was a mind reader for a moment, feeling panic fill his veins; he shook it off with a breathy laugh. “Yeah bro, what’s up?”

“...You didn’t ask about...earlier.”

Dark eyebrows knitted together in thought. _Earlier?_ “...You mean why we went to the motherfuckin’ hospital?” Gamzee glanced at Tavros, who nodded, biting his lips, eyes fixed on something on the ceiling. He hadn’t planned on asking Tavros on it, not really- as worried as he was; he chalked it up to Tavros just rolling out of bed. Gamzee figured there was more to it- and Tavros deserved a listening ear. “Well, what the motherfuck happened then, bro?”

A soft sigh left Tavros, and he frowned, gentle features drawing lines up in hesitation and thought. “...This is going to sound crazy...”

“You mean...like the kind of crazy I like?”

A smile broke out against Tavros’ brown skin, and he nudged Gamzee. “I’m trying to be serious.” Gamzee took this as a cue to shut up, mouth drawing up into a thin line, restraining himself for teasing Tavros. “Okay. This is kind of, like the dream you had that you told me about, actually. I dreamt that...there was this grey room, and this woman with long hair was talking to this man in yellow. She was really, uh, beautiful...she was wearing a lot of gold and, dark pink- but I couldn’t see either of their faces. They were in this room, filled with, lots of animals. But...they weren’t _just_ animals, they were monsters. There were eleven of them, and I could tell, they were all really angry, and sad, and they were in a lot of pain.” Lips pursed, lips that Gamzee wished more often than he would like to admit that he wanted to feel. “They were talking, and I think they were arguing, and the woman suddenly slapped the man, so hard that he fell into a cage, where one of the monsters were being kept. He got hurt- the animal had eight legs, and they tore at him, and she laughed at him. She yelled at him, and he bled... _yellow_. Then the man got up and he opened a cage, and he let out this monster that had two heads.”

Tavros moved in bed so he was facing Gamzee, and Gamzee mirrored his position. “...I’m not really sure how to, um, explain this, but he did this thing with his _mind_...and everything glowed blue and red. And then...I felt as though I woke up. I _thought_ I was awake. But, I guess I was dreaming...”

“What happened, Tav?”

Tavros closed his eyes, and the pads of his fingers slipped into Gamzee’s palm; he welcomed them, hands caving around his, tracing words and shapes over his skin. “...I woke up, and I sat up, because I felt like I was being, watched...and I heard this _voice._ It spoke to me- it told me to come back. It told me that it needed me, that it needed me in this place...called Silent Hill.” Gamzee frowned- something sparked in the back of his brain, and his head hurt trying to recall the memory of why that sounded familiar. “A-and then...I saw my wall open up. Everything peeled away- the paint, the shelves, my bed; it all turned brown and...dirty.” Tavros was visibly upset talking about this, so Gamzee coaxed him into his chest, twisting the strands of his black Mohawk into his fingers. “Then I saw... _it._ This...thing came from my wall, and it was that monster from my dream. It walked towards me, it’s heads and eyes s _taring a_ t me...those red and blue eyes...” He took a sharp breath. “Hands. Arms. Black hands came from out of the wall, calling my name, telling me to come back. It came closer, and closer, and it...it pushed me out of my bed...and I guess...that’s where I had my attack.”

Tavros’ voice had softened into a whisper the more he spoke, hands clutching Gamzee’s shirt and hand, mumbling into his shoulder. This was a lot to take in. “...is that when I came in and got you, bro?”

Tavros shrugged. “I-I dunno. I don’t uh, remember much after that. I woke up in the hospital room. But...I’m really...glad that you came when you did, Gamzee.”

He didn’t know why he did it- he just did. It felt right. Gamzee dipped his head to Tavros’ forehead, pressing a kiss into his hair. He stiffened just as he did, realising a moment too late what he had done. Tavros turned quiet, as did Gamzee.

The moment stretched on. “Sorry, bro. You just...sounded so motherfuckin’ _upset._ ”

Tavros nodded. “...It’s okay, Gamzee. Thanks for, uh, listening.”

To his surprise, Tavros moved a little closer, slinging his arm around Gamzee’s waist. Heat warmed his face, and Gamzee was suddenly very glad Tavros couldn’t see his face. He twisted around so he could return the awkward half- embrace, grinning stupidly into his friend’s hair. “Anytime, motherfucker.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how do you ancestors though

Pink kitten heels clicked down the hallway floors, the owner striding easily and leisurely, toting a solid gold staff that tapped against the floor in time with her steps. She glanced to a side wall, nose wrinkling in distaste as she spotted some blood painted into an upturned smile; it was clearly freshly done. She flipped her obsidian hair, upping her speed slightly, and she pushed the doors she approached aside easily, catching the attention of everyone present in the room.

“Why the everlovin’ fuck did some moron feel the urge to paint a fuckin’ mural on the walls outside?” She cast her gaze on one hulking form in particular, a growl following from the obvious perpetrator.

He shifted his massive form, sitting back in a throne-like chair, claws still lathered in blood that was starting to darken and crack. “I went on a motherfuckin’ hunt.”

She tilted her hips, laying a ringed hand on her waist, patience growing short. “Get to the point, ya dumb bitch.”

His painted lips twitched into a frown at the insult. “I found the last of those fuckin’ failures we call descendants.” This time, heads turned to face the Grand Highblood rather than the Condesce, hushed mutters scattering the small crowd. A black eyebrow raised as the Condesce walked towards the indigo blood a little closer, her interest peaked. “I culled all the motherfuckers I found, of course.”

“Who did you find?” Her eyes narrowed underneath her glasses, twisting a thick strand of her flowing hair around her fingers.

The highblood grinned, not at all intimidated by the sudden closeness of the royal blooded troll. “Darkleer’s whelp, Handmaid’s, and the Summoner’s trash.” The Grand Highblood sunk further into his throne, giving the rest of the adult trolls present a smug look. “I just motherfuckin’ did what the rest of you useless fucks couldn’t do.”

“My _trash,_ managed to survive a lot longer than your spawn, Highblood.” A male voice cut through the room, the Summoner turning his head to send the indigo blood a sharp glare. Painted lips curled into a sneer.

“Shut the fuck up. Your _other_ piece of shit you call a son is fucking crippled. So don’t talk shit you don’t motherfuckin’ know anything about, shitblood.”

“Keep your fuckin’ blackrom to yourselves, assholes. Where the fuck is that psychic dumbass?” The Condesce turned heel, clearly done with anything else the rest of the trolls had to say. Brown burned the Summoner’s face and he looked away, crossing his arms and giving a low “hmph” when the Highblood had thrown him a suggestive smirk.

The Disciple had her nose stuck in a book, uninterested in the conversation being exchanged, but she glanced up at the female highblooded troll at the query. “The psyionic is attempting to break the veil again, your highness.” The sounds of quill scratching against parchment quickly replaced the olive blooded troll’s voice.

“At least one of you assholes knows how to be productive once a fuckin’ while.” With that she departed, retreating down the hall she had entered in, hearing the other trolls resume whatever it was they had been discussing.

The Condesce left the building, irritation settling across her features as high-pitched buzzing filled her ears. With a wave of her hand, a swarm of mutated flies with wide set horns became smears of bronze blood flying to the ground. She continued to walk forwards; the courtyard she had entered was a smouldering wreckage. Chunks of decimated buildings and ruined structured littered the area, with murals the Grand Highblood had so obviously had left coating their browned, grimy surfaces. It was dark and foggy, bot fire and filth entering her nasal passages, making her frown. She followed a beaten path, passing a hive that had been destroyed sweeps and sweeps ago, although it still burned from the inside. After a short time of her walking, passively ignoring the sounds of warning predatory growls and screeches from monsters nearby, she found what she had been looking for.

“That fuckin’ loudmouth is probably here, too.” She muttered to nobody in particular, pushing open doors. The building resembled a place of sacred reflection and healing, though its former glory had been long lost. Upon entering, the Signless’ incessant blather could be heard from somewhere inside the building. The Condesce ignored it, walking further into the room, hands running momentarily over a deep mar in the walls. She swung the sacred hall’s door open, and she saw the psyonic sitting bow-legged on the floor, fingers pressed to his temples.

She sauntered up to him, her trident swinging swiftly into one of his thighs, breaking his trance. The mustard blood had sputtered, flinching from the contact, and he looked up, clearly enraged; he looked as though he was ready to scream at whoever had interrupted him. His rage dissipated when his bi-colored eyes fell upon the female troll above him.

“Miss me?” Her voice cut the silence, a grin across her pink lips. The man sighed, relaxing from his former stiff posture, nodding weakly to her question. “Good. Find the little shit yet?”

“Yes, actually. Last night I was very close to making contact.” The psyonic looked up at the Condesce, quirking a brow. “...I’m surprised that the others didn’t notify you of this.”

She waved him off, scowling. “Useless fuckers. What the fuck else?” She said impatiently, trident settling uncomfortably close to the other troll’s thigh again.

The psyonic cleared his throat. “I found him. Nitram. I finally found him through his dreams. He was settled in with the Signless’ descendant and the Grand Highblood’s descendant.” He subtly moved his leg away from the female as much as he could without being obvious. “The Grand Highblood’s descendant interrupted me, though.” A frown passed his face, and he looked at his superior questioningly. “Why else would I send the bi-cyclops through the veil? If I hadn’t found him, I wouldn’t have-“

A sharp jab to the joint of his knees shut him up quickly, the Condesce smiling wickedly at him as she applied pressure to the trident in her hands. “ _Yeah_ , fuck yeah you would have. Because I fuckin’ _told_ ya to. Because it’s _fun_. Scare the little humans.” The psyonic’s face was twisted up into a look of muted and controlled agony. “Understand me, bitch?” The yellow-blooded troll nodded quickly, and she stepped back, features still pulled back into a look of maniacal glee. “Good _. Now bring that_ little _fucker home_. Or next time I won’t be as gentle.”

The psyonic nodded again, muffling a grunt as the trident’s length smacked him across the face, freshening the injury she had bestown him the night prior, and spilling more yellow blood.


End file.
